TV-PG-DAHL

We're drifting apart. Our friendship is broken. Indubitably! We've made mistakes. So much is unspoken. Inexorably. Last week I wanted to watch our favorite cooking show. But you left the room to watch women's tennis. That was really quite a blow. When we were eating lunch at the palace of Versailles, I ordered you potato chips but you said you wanted fries. Well, I like French fries. Since when do you like French fries?! We're drifting apart! The sweater I bought you doesn't match your skin tone! We're drifting apart! I made you curtains to clash with your throw rug! It's like we are two sides of a very dented coin! Without you, I feel like Béarnaise sauce without the top sirloin! I don't know why this friendship train has suddenly derailed! We used to be two snowflakes, now we're just two chunks of hail! And as that hail hurtles toward Earth, they drift further apart! They're like two frozen daggers ripping through my broken broken heart! Two separate, lonely chunks of hail just falling to their doom! They hit the ground with a thickening end-of-friendship sonic boom! I'm sorry that I failed you! Oh, no! 'Tis I that failed you!